i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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