just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
