It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
