What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
