my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
