we're chasing vodka with high fives
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
