She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
