If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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