My room smells like vodka and shame
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize