Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
