she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
