Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
