She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
