i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This baby is an asshole
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
