True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
