Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
