I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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