Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
