Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
