he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
