At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize