Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
