a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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