Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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