Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
