we have pet lesbian snakes
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
