Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
