So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
my god I love twenty year old dicks
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
