ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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