i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize