omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
