would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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