I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
