Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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