one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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