maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
