I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
