I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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