She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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