why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
