I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
3pm strippers are depressing
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
