I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
