my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
