and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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