Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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