omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He's on the porch naked. Help.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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