She is in my trunk
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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