sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
