Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
