Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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