i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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