I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
