i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
