when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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