I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
