I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
