i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
