My balls are so social today.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize