pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
