There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
