he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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