Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's never too late to be topless.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
