i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
