omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
