2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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