i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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