I am spending my child support on dildos
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
