i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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