i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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