I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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