I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
