his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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