Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
