Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
