you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
