Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
